Week 11
The second half of this week has been very difficult for me. Im finding it really hard to adjust to the lack of privacy.
We have quite a lot of down time in the afternoon and many of the students sit and talk but because i dont speak French and Kahlia normally goes to her room to listen to music i feel very isolated. As soon as i lie down my mind starts wandering.
Im an extreverted person i find it hard to not be doing anything and normally have very little down time.
When i do have down time i need to be completly alone - i normally isolate myself completly.
This is very difficult in a small place withabout 15 people. I can handle communal living at camps and things when there are other people to relate to but it is not the same being one of two anglophone people and the other one is really intreverted.
The only time i can do this is after everyone else is asleep i get up to pray and just hang out with God.
I also have not had the freedom to relax by going for a walk or playing basketball.
I have had trouble concentrating in class, worship and prayer etc. and have had to leave prayer meetings and worship. For African people they seem to find this hard to understand.
For me worship comes from the heart and if my heart is not in the right place i need to be alone. I have even done this in New Zealand at times.
I have had trouble agreeing with what the speaker is saying and he has noticed this and i have tried to explain that im having trouble concentrating but it felt to me like the lesson today was aimed at critising me and i think the class could see this. He as been talking about adopting the culture of the culture you are in. Im having problems because i see culture as not being neutral.
Sure i have had no problem with eating, sleeping, behaving and dressing like an African. But culture also reflects they way we think - I have problems with thinking like an African - some parts are good and bad how can i adopt the good parts without being critical of the bad parts?
I dont know if it is me being over sensitive or not.
We have quite a lot of down time in the afternoon and many of the students sit and talk but because i dont speak French and Kahlia normally goes to her room to listen to music i feel very isolated. As soon as i lie down my mind starts wandering.
Im an extreverted person i find it hard to not be doing anything and normally have very little down time.
When i do have down time i need to be completly alone - i normally isolate myself completly.
This is very difficult in a small place withabout 15 people. I can handle communal living at camps and things when there are other people to relate to but it is not the same being one of two anglophone people and the other one is really intreverted.
The only time i can do this is after everyone else is asleep i get up to pray and just hang out with God.
I also have not had the freedom to relax by going for a walk or playing basketball.
I have had trouble concentrating in class, worship and prayer etc. and have had to leave prayer meetings and worship. For African people they seem to find this hard to understand.
For me worship comes from the heart and if my heart is not in the right place i need to be alone. I have even done this in New Zealand at times.
I have had trouble agreeing with what the speaker is saying and he has noticed this and i have tried to explain that im having trouble concentrating but it felt to me like the lesson today was aimed at critising me and i think the class could see this. He as been talking about adopting the culture of the culture you are in. Im having problems because i see culture as not being neutral.
Sure i have had no problem with eating, sleeping, behaving and dressing like an African. But culture also reflects they way we think - I have problems with thinking like an African - some parts are good and bad how can i adopt the good parts without being critical of the bad parts?
I dont know if it is me being over sensitive or not.
posted by Steve-a-saurus at
5:27 AM
4 Comments:
Dear Steve - thank you for sharing your heart so openly. I think you are in a really tough situation every way you look at it and it will be very natural to feel crouded out but still isolated and sometimes misunderstood. It's very hard not to be able to chew the fat and talk things through (in English!) which you normally enjoy doing, or find space to be alone, which you really need. You are right that 'culture' is not neutral and in the end you are not African either - so let Jesus keep your heart and mind in a safe place and try to become a little thick-skinned if possible, about some stuff. What is happening to you happens to everyone who finds themselves living seriously in a cross-cultural interface! We love you so much and remember your self-esteem is not in the hands of anybody else except you and God. Deep peace and comfort to you! Love ya! Da Maada
By
Anonymous, at 2:27 PM
Hi Steve,
Have been tracking your news and have been excited at what God has been showing you. Isolation is a hard thing to deal with at times but often it is to help us prepare for the future. Psalm 91 came to mind as I read your letter. Cultures will always be biased one way or another. The thing I always found difficult was making up my mind what was right also. There are many diiferent ways of doing a task but not necessarily one right one. Remember we are all praying for you to support you at this time.
blessings
Peter Brown
By
Anonymous, at 1:19 PM
Hiya Steve,
I am sorry to read this sad blog! It is really hard not to be able to withdraw properly, I was lucky in Egypt to have a room to myself and could hide away when I needed. I dunno if it would help to talk to the lecturer out of class and just say, you are trying really hard, but you are just having a rough time at the moment, but remind him you are doing your best! We miss you heaps steve, and are all praying for you! Keep remembering Jesus is your friend and is carrying this burden aswell!
Love you
Lanie
By
Anonymous, at 8:09 PM
Hi Steve, we next-doors are so proud of the way you've been embracing the African culture. The small group last night prayed for you in this difficult time. We know you'll grow through it and be even stronger. There will be someone there who you can share your heart with.
We continue to pray for you.
Much love, Bonynbendy
By
Anonymous, at 2:49 AM
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